DON'T PANIC

We all carry with us certain extremely strong memes. To most of them our parents say “Call that a meme? Why in my day we had real memes, not these namby pamby memes you see nowadays.” Come to think of that, our children say much the same thing too. But I digress.

One of my memes has The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy at its centre. And it's a very lucky meme to have, because it contains two words of invaluable advice (as well as a lot of other very funny, albeit a bit silly, words --- “42” Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!)

Of course those words are (in case you haven't guessed)

DON'T PANIC

And it's very important that they should be in upper case like that.

Excellent advice for almost any situation that you might encounter in life, but recently I've become increasingly aware of just how important this advice is for single table turbo sit and gos. Let me repeat:

DON'T PANIC

Your M is 3 and there are still six players left? DON'T PANIC
Oh it's 2 now? DON'T PANIC
You're about to be all in in the big blind? DON'T PANIC

But above all, DON'T PANIC.

I started my second set of 20 turbos tonight with a $3.40 and a $6.50 (unlike other forms of poker, your performance in a turbo SNG will probably be enhanced if you multitable and listen to some music or radio on the side.)

Let's just walk through one of them with a couple of words in mind. Which words? Oh, grow up.

($3.40) Fold ten hands. Blinds are now 25/50 and two players are already out. You get 99 in the BB. A limp from EP, and the button pushes 125. You raise to 300, taking out the limper, and beat his 43 suited. Can anyone tell me what he did wrong? I knew you could.

Fold another 13 hands, you're in the BB again, we're up to 75/150 and only six players are left. You get A♦Q♦. All fold to the SB who completes. You raise to 500 and he folds. Are you upset not to win more on the hand? Relax -- DON ... oh never mind.

Ok, three hands later, only 5 remaining now. You get A8 offsuit in the cutoff. You raise to 450, and the BB who covers you pushes. DON'T PANIC. Just fold. What? You're worried that you're down to 1200 chips and are the short stack? You don't want to be pushed around by the BB? That's ok, you'll get it back so long as you DON'T PANIC.

Fold your way through the blinds. We're at 100/200 now, still 5 left, you're on the button. You get A♠7♠. UTG calls, and the cut off min raises. You have been paying attention right? He's got nothing. You push your paltry 970 chips in and are far from surprised to find him holding A5 offsuit. Now your hand has to hold up, but there's nothing you can do about that. It does. You move into fourth place.

Comes the next BB, still at 100/200 and you get A♥K♠. The SB completes, you raise to 600 (you had 2440 to start -- push is possible, and perhaps better, that's ok, you're allowed a few mistakes so long as you DON'T PANIC) and he calls. Flop comes QJ8 and he bets 400 into a 1200 pot. Genuinely tough, perhaps you should fold, but, getting 4:1 you call (push is an option, but has a hint of that bad five letter word that begins pan about it). Turn is a 7 and he pushes. Fold. Oops, down to 1440 and back in fifth place again.

You get A9 on the button, push over one limper, and gain 500 chips. 33, UTG, push and pick up another 300. You get K4 offsuit in the BB. You get to play it for nothing. Time to put the rest of the players on your Christmas card list, especially when the flop comes 844. Check, check, check. Hurrah, the turn is an ace, and the SB leads for 600. You call (time to be a bit greedy). The river is a king! He bets 600 again, you push your remaining 1340 into the pot, and he folds. Heavens. Sure you were exceptionally lucky here -- but you were still here to be lucky. Why? Oh figure it out for yourself.

Next you pick up QQ in the SB. The button, steam coming out of his ears from the last hand, raises to 800. You push, he calls with QT. Good heavens. Suddenly, on the bubble you're the dominating chip leader.

I'll just stop there (no, not because I suddenly fell apart and went out on the bubble -- I won, but the remainder is not nearly so instructive or amusing.) I could tell virtually the same story about the $6.50 (2nd), but I suspect that I've tried your patience already.

Will this wondrous advice still work as well at higher levels? Probably not, but I'll be very surprised if it's not of some use.